Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You are a genius and a whore.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
