She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You're a waste of cheezeits
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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