just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
