oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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