You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So much rum. So many feels.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
