i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
