I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
