does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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