Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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