Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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