why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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