You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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