so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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