I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
