I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
