if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
