It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
