ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
