I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize