Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
too bad you live with your parents still
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
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