Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
