you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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