my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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