Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize