Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
