I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
