Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
