i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
