Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
