No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
