Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
