Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
