I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
