...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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