I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
