i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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