I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
