We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
