and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
