Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
