i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
