There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
