I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
