is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Oh god it's open bar.
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