would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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