im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
this boner is exhausting
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize