My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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