distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
