I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
