watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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