Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
