This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
