I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
