I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
