she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
well, you know. whores of a feather.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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