stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
