dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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