I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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