its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
