i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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