I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
