There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
