apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize