if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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