My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
