there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize