Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
