if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
