Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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