please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
