Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
