it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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