god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
