At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
