he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize