Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
