She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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