we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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