i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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