I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
