I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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