What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
