i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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