That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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