Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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