Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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