people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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