im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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