Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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