I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
