think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
