Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
