so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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