spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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