Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
