Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
