he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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