U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
